I'm Cycling Next Month!!!!

I'm so fucking excited!!!  I spoke to my nurse at the RE's today and she told me that we will most likely start cycling before my next period!  That's one month sooner than I thought we would be cycling and puts me in a perfect spot for where I want to be birth month-wise (so psyched it just happened to work out that way).  I'm praying that this will all work out and that it will give me a take home baby.  We are so ready (well, as ready as we'll ever be; is anyone ever really truly ready?) to be parents.  

My meds are worked out for now.  One good thing that came out of that horrible experience two weeks ago (see my last post) is that I was able to cut my Ativan dose in half since I had already gone through all the withdrawals.  I will have to cut it out completely before I start cycling but that shouldn't be too hard since it is only half a miligram at this point.  I will cut it in half next week and then cut it out altogether.  I am taking ten miligrams of Lexapro and will continue on with that permanently.  I am going to see my psychiatrist next week to get clearance from her for my RE.  They want a letter stating what my treatment will be during my pregnancy.  I will keep close contact with her so that if my dosage needs to be upped at all we can do that.  I hope the appointment goes well; I think it should.

Next Friday I am getting a saline sonogram as well as all the results from our genetic counselor.  We will also have all of our other test results back by then.  So far, I think we are looking at slight MFI (low morph) but considering that they have said people can often get pregnant naturally with that I am feeling a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" in our future.  But I guess we will see and know by next Friday!!!!  Then we will also get to determine whether we are going to go with IUI or IVF.  Honestly, I'm hoping for IVF.  I want the embryos for the future so that we don't have to go through this shit again when we want to try for a second child, especially considering my age.  

This is all very exciting.  I think, for the first time in two years, things are finally starting to look up for us, at least a little bit.  I don't want to jinx anything, and I'm sure it won't be the last time we experience hard times, but I have to say that these past two years very nearly broke us (as people, not our marriage--that's now stronger than ever).  I feel like if I can live through all of that then I can live through anything.

The RE

Well, we saw the RE last Friday.  First of all I will say that I absolutely LOVE our doctor!  He was really kind and enthusiastic and very clear about all our treatment options.  He pretty much laid it all out on the table.  He said that he saw a very slightly low morph in the sperm count but that it was very common and we could very likely conceive on our own with it the way it is (though he did order a recheck).  So far that's all we have as far as possible issues.  We also did a lot more bloodwork as well as genetic testing.  But the doctor basically said we just need to decide if we're going to do IUI or go straight to IVF.  What?!  I was a little shocked; I don't know why, I mean after all we were at a fertility clinic.  I guess I just hadn't fully accepted the fact of us being "infertile" yet.

But we are.  So we are waiting on test results to decide what we are going to do.  Honestly, at first I was wanting to do 1-2 rounds of IUI but now I'm kind of leaning towards going straight to IVF.  I feel like because I am 35 and at this point will not be giving birth until I am 36 I would like to have frozen embryos so that I don't have to worry about when to try for #2.  But we have to see what insurance says too.  The good news is that whatever treatment we choose is all covered!  Depending on the test results though, they may make us do IUI before IVF since it is so much cheaper.  So we will see.  We also still have this month and next month to try on our own too, since I am in the 2WW right now and next month I will be doing cycle day bloods and all that fun stuff.  So I think I will feel a little better about moving forward with everything at that point if I am still not pregnant after that.

I am honestly thrilled about this though.  No matter what at this point, I now know that I will be having a baby at some point next year, whether we manage to get it done ourselves or if we need a little help from the doctors.  We will soon have a plan in place, have an amazing team with crazy high success rates and a really great doctor who makes us both feel very comfortable and who is available to us anytime we need to ask questions.  Awesome!