Transfer Day!

I am officially PUPO!  That's "pregnant unless proven otherwise" for those who might not know.  This day--it's been amazing.  Like a hazy dream.  We had to get up and go at 4am so I might not be making up the hazy part!  MH is normally a heavy sleeper who will sleep through anything and fall back asleep instantly if awakened, so it speaks volumes of our excitement level that we chattered away the whole hour car ride down to the clinic.  We even ended up with this super excited and happy nurse--you could tell she really loved her job the way she was so bubbly and kept saying "let's get you knocked up!"  It was great.  But when the doctor arrived it was even better.

He walked in and introduced himself (it was not my doctor on shift so I had never met this guy) and immediately said "You did very, very well!  You couldn't ask to do any better than this!"  No really, he said that!  Then he told us that we had a beautiful, perfect 6AA blastocyst--the highest grade embryo that you can possibly get!--and ten more to freeze!!!!!  I was so happy and relieved to hear that!  So I asked him if he thought it was okay to transfer just one.  His response was that when people are in this situation and their chances are this good he in fact encourages it.  So that's what we did--we confidently transferred just one precious little golden egg.  And I know he will make it!  We were so happy and relieved!  We received a picture of our perfect  little blast and it doesn't look perfect at all!  It's all funny shaped and lopsided, hahaha........but it's ours.  All ours.  I am convinced it's a boy, but MH thinks it's a girl.  So, we'll see!  But whoever is in there, go ahead and stick--we love you so very much already and can't wait to spend the next nine months growing you and singing to you!!

And The Fertilization Results Are In!

So after that epic egg laying on Wednesday I went back to work on Thursday.  Ugh--I felt like such shit.  I was exhausted, bloated and sore.  But I knew I couldn't call out for another day so off to work I went.  I was so anxious to get the call and really afraid that they would call when I was teaching and that I wouldn't be able to get back in touch with them.  (Yes, my mind of course always runs off to the worst case scenario.)  So as soon as lunchtime came I practically sprinted upstairs and lunged at my phone.  Sure enough, there was the number as a missed call and a voicemail to call back.  My hands were shaking as I dialed.  But I needn't have worried.....it was all good news!

22 eggs.  18 were mature.  And 16 fertilized.  16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  H and I have 16 embabies growing in that lab right now as I type this!!!!!!  I still can't believe it.  I started jumping up and down for joy.  This whole experience, I thought, could not have been smoother.  I could not have asked for a better experience than this.  I am so, so excited (and a little nervous) to hear how they do.  I know not all of them will make it, but I am just praying that some reach the blastocyst stage by Monday so we can proceed with our Tuesday transfer and have some to freeze.  Of course as far as frosties are concerned they can continue maturing them for another few days if they need to; but for a fresh transfer they have to have matured enough by then, otherwise we'll have to wait and I really don't want to do that.  I want this due date.  I want my baby now.  We have waited for two years.  Please.

So that is all good AMAZING news.  I could not be happier.  The shitty thing is that I'm feeling shitty now.  The nurse asked me about certain symptoms and wanted me to go back to the RE yesterday morning to get checked for OHSS (ovarian hyperstimualation syndrome).  I checked out fine but I think it's the meds that are making me feel this way.  I am taking Medrol which is a steroid and it gave me straight up roid rage with my students yesterday (hahaha!).  It also makes my heart pound and makes me nervous shaky and feels like there is an elephant sitting on my chest.  Thank goodness it's only for three more days.  I can handle that, even if it does suck a lot.  Also taking the antibiotics make me feel awful too.  Bloated (yay--like I need more of that right now) and gross and terrified of a yeast infection.  I am doing everything in my power to try and avoid it.  I am not eating any sugar or refined carbs and no breads.  I am taking herbs (only ones I know are safe for pregnancy and won't interfere with my treatments at all) and apple cider vinegar and heavy duty probiotics and I am eating yogurt, something I normally don't really do a lot of.  But I'm not taking any chances.  I just got over a month long resistant yeast infection.  No fucking thank you.  However, I am also taking Endometrin, a progesterone suppository three times a day.  It's awful.  It's giving me a headache, I'm cranky and tired and I have cottage cheese drainage allll day long.  I have to change my pantiliner a couple times during the day.  I cannot have sex like this.  And the worst part is that it burns.  With my history of pelvic pain I cannot have that.  It will make me think I am getting a yeast infection all the time (like right now--I'm going crazy!  Is this the start of that looming yeast infection or is it just the Endometrin??) and will give me--is giving me--too much anxiety.  I would rather have the shots and have a bit of a sore ass.  If this were going to be short like the steroids then fine, but this is going to have to be for a long time, even after I am pregnant.  So I think I am going to talk to my nurse on Monday and see if I can switch to the shots.  

Anyway, so see?  It can't all be peaches and cream!  But it can be close.  It will all be worth it when I see those beautiful lines.  Until then I am crossing my fingers that we get some good news on Monday. I know we will though.  I just know it.  I feel it.  

Retrieval Day!!!

Well today was retrieval day yo!  So much.......so much in the past couple of days!

So Monday night and yesterday morning I triggered.  The night one was easy of course, but the Tuesday morning not so much.  My time to do it was 10:20 so it was right in the middle of one of my classes.  Very inconvenient.  At least if it had been at 10 or 10:30 I could have just gone to the bathroom real quick before class started!  I ended up going into work and complaining that I wasn't feeling well.  Then at 10:20 I stood up very quickly and acted like I had to throw up.  I ran to the bathroom and grabbed the shot out of the fridge on the way.  Ha!  Easy enough and also it set the stage for me calling out today.

So that went well, but all in all yesterday was kind of rough for me.  All the doubts and fears started creeping in, when this whole time I had been feeling pretty optimistic.  At my morning monitoring appointment my doctor told me I had about ten eggs, maybe a couple more.  I was very disappointed to hear that even though he said it was a decent amount.  I just knew that meant our chances for having anything left to freeze were greatly reduced if we only had ten.  I also discussed transferring one or two embryos with him.  MH and I were dead set on doing one at first, then we changed our minds and decided to go with two.  After talking to the doctor I am all confused again.  Our clinic has excellent success rates; some of the highest in the nation.  But I still just don't know what to do.  I want it to work.  I don't want twins.  But I would take twins over none or over having to wait another month and go through more treatments.  We decided to wait until we hear about how the quality of the embryos is before making a decision.  So I started to get very sad and all..........

EXCEPT THEY GOT 22 EGGS!!!11!!111!!!1!!!1!  When they told me I started crying.  I was so happy.  When we arrived they separated MH and I so he could do his thing and they could prep me in the retrieval room.  H came down to the room to wait with me until I went in.  The procedure wasn't that bad at all.  I was under anesthesia so I didn't care.  But I will say this: it was the first time in my life that I woke up from anesthesia and didn't cry.  I just felt tired.  But then they came in and told me they got 22 eggs and that did it--I sobbed.  In a good way!

I'm really crampy but so happy and optimistic.  I feel so much better now that I know our chances will be really good.  It's crazy to think that over there they have little pieces of MH and me that have actually come together.  Hopefully they will thrive.  I have great faith that they will.

It's IVF!!

Soooo I can't even believe it has taken me this long to write this post.  I keep thinking about it but never getting around to it because so much is happening!!  It's been like a blur.  So here are my meds:

 
Along with a summer squash in the corner.  Because you know; everyone needs a squash when they do IVF injections.  Annnnnyway, everything has been happening right on schedule, better than I could have ever even anticipated.  We decided to skip the IUIs and go straight for IVF.  Insurance covered it 100%!!!  Turns out we are dealing with MFI after all (very low morph) so especially with my age (35) it just didn't make any sense for us to waste anymore time.  I am just so ready.  So I started Estrace pills (estrogen) in August and took them until I got my period on September 13th (but seriously, WTF though?!?!  that shit gave me the worst period evarrrrrr!!!).  I was thrilled that my period came early; I was so afraid it was going to end up being a long drawn out cycle just because that's how luck would have it.  But good old AF knew what was good for her and showed up on CD25 at which point I stopped the Estrace and went in for monitoring.  I started injections on CD3, which I am making MH give me.  I told him we were making this baby together goddammit, even if it was ultimately in a science lab!!!!  I had purchased two bags of chocolate chips about six weeks ago and was saving them for our two weeks of meds.  I figured it would be our reward for getting through it.  I was seriously terrified of how the meds would affect me mentally; I have had a history of going completely BSC on BCPs.  After everything I have been through with my mental health I just really didn't want anything to screw up how amazingly good I have been feeling.  (By the way, it's worth mentioning that I got through those shitty Ativan withdrawals finally and came out on the other side!  It was so hard and such an awful bitch, but I am now feeling the best I have felt in years; since even before I went off my meds in 2012!!!)  So last week I made our first batch of cookies--I jokingly called them "fertility cookies"--and crossed my fingers as we took the plunge:

Now, I swear to you, I have just had a really good feeling about this since the beginning.  Like, really good.  I just feel like......I know it's going to work.  I know our baby (or babies--!!) will come to us.  So, I'm kind of starting to get suspicious now.  It all started with getting a blessedly short cycle.  Then......dude: the meds have not affected me at all.  Like, not even a little bit!  okay, well maybe a little, but only in the sense that I have been getting teary eyed and sentimental but like, who cares about that, right?  Oh, and also HOLY EWCM.  Ummmm......DUDE.  But yeah, other than that it's been really smooth sailing!  And the best news is......I GET TO TRIGGER TOMORROW!!!  I was told it would be 9-13 days and--yup, you guessed it--tomorrow is day nine!  The shortest possible time!  My retrieval will be on Wednesday.  I am so fucking excited.  And also.....suspicious that this is all going a little too well.  I mean, this will even put me at an ideal EDD as a teacher and for having a kid's birthday.................But I am pushing that out of my mind as best I can and remaining positive.  I just feel it.  It's happening.  Everything is happening..................