It's been too long since I've blogged. I keep thinking about it, but then I forget or I realize that I have something better to do. Or, if I'm being honest, I just haven't fucking felt like it considering I have nothing new to say. But now I think maybe it's time to come back into the game.
Things are a little weird for me right now. That's all I can say. It's not all bad, some of it is really good. But it's just......weird. Different. Almost like I can feel the tides changing. Which is great because I reeeeeally need it.
My job is likely going to become permanent. That's great; I just wish it were closer to being my dream job. I know sometimes you have to "make" your dream job, as in I need to find ways to make it be better. But I don't see that happening, since what I don't like about it is teaching pre-K-1. 2 is almost acceptable. 3 is okay but not my favorite. 4 is where the fun starts and for me continues up through 8 even though they are challenging. Honestly I just don't really like teaching general music; I just want to teach choir and music history/music appreciation. But this job is manageable for me and fun and I really like the faculty and adminsitration, plus the kids are nice and I could see myself feeing comfortable in the culture of the district. It is very small. So I like it, am glad it will become permanent and will be happy to go back next year but I will still be applying to things that come up that I feel I might like better or that are closer (right now I have about a 45-50 minute commute).
I have made an appointment to go to the Mayo clinic in Minnesota as soon as school gets out. My NYC doctor is blowing me off and I've had it. Mayo has the number one gastroenterology department in the country; I read an article in the fall that sounded like what I think I have where this girl had been to many doctors before the helped her at Mayo; I also know someone who went there when she had no luck with the doctors in her town and they helped her. So I'm going. Part of me feel like I might be jumping the gun a little considering that I live near NYC and so many hospitals and doctors, but I just don't know where else to go. I went to a New Jersey doctor who was totally lame, then moved on to my current doctor who is at NYU Langone--like, where do you go from there??? Who can I look for that would have more knowledge than there? I'm not doubting that someone exists, it's just that I don't know who they might be or where/how to find out. I am fully 100% convinced at this point that this is muscular and somehow related to my surgery and I can't even get ahold of my doctor to discuss it with him. I started these special stretching sessions to see if it would help and it made it worse within a week. Do I know for certain that is why I got worse? No. But do I know for certain that is NOT why I got worse? No. Ergo Mayo. Enough fucking around and taking shots in the dark. Take me to the experts and let me get on with my life.
So that's where I am now. H is miserable at his job but that isn't going to change for a little while. But we're working on it. Some new musical possibilities are on the horizon, but I'll save it for another post.
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