Stanleypants

Today I said goodbye to my sweet orange cat Stanley (or Stanleypants or Mr. Pants as he was known for his big fluffy pants).  He was one of three cats that I have had since I was 21.  He was the last to join the crew and I got him when I was 22.  He was 12 years old and lived in four different states with me, saw me through three relationships and my now marriage, lived in small spaces with just me and the other two cats, lived in a giant house with me and all the guys in my band and two other roommates, and finally, peacefully with my husband and me and the two other cats.

He jumped up on the bed in the middle of the night and was breathing funny.  I took him to the vet first thing in the morning and they x-rayed him.  The vet told me he had advanced stage heart disease and his lungs were filled with fluid.  His heart was so big it was putting pressure on his windpipe.  Even if I took him to the big fancy vet and got him an echo they would have given me a bad prognosis and he might have lived for another few months but would probably suffer.  She said that even with meds heart disease is not managed well.  I am still so shocked; he was absolutely fine yesterday.  I know it was for the best but I just can't believe it.  He was my best friend.  I mean I love all three of my cats so much, but I would be lying if I didn't say I had a special connection with him.  And now this morning I paid someone to take his life.  I know it was the right thing to do but still........It was crazy; I literally watched the light go out of his eyes, I knew the moment he passed.  I saw it.  I loved that cat so much.  He was the best and I already miss him so much.